Book-A-Million! Well, minus a few

I've heard that life changes when you have kids. Everything that once would have seemed abnormal becomes standard. I think this starts to happen even before you have your child, because I'm noticing some changes already. For example, this weekend I had my first incident of "parent rage." It wasn't totally unfamiliar. I mean, I'm familiar with "road rage", "IU game referee rage", and "annoying people at Wal-Mart rage", but this is one of the first times I've ever been angry about something that directly relates to our child.

We went to Books-A-Million in Clarksville to look for an adoption book that we have to read for our agency. We were pretty sure they didn't have it and that we'd need to order it, but we wanted to check. We also figured that, since we had some time, we'd look around at what other adoption books they had both for children and for adoptive parents. After we found the section with parenting books, I started looking through the titles while Ashley went to the next section to look through the children's books. After looking through all the selections we made a discovery, they had nothing. Not one book on adoption for parents. None for adopted children either. It's not that there was a lack of reading material for parents though. There were books on enough diseases, social problems, discipline issues, and parenting philosophies to both educate and scare me to death at the same time.

Here's where the rage hit me. Why not just a few adoption books? Now it's not like I'm expecting every bookstore to have an adoption section, but there were a few titles on the shelves that could have easily be bumped for an adoption book or two. I mean, seriously, do we need 7 different books of baby names? Can't any of these books be replaced with google? And while I certainly am in the target market for "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Fatherhood," I'm not sure anyone would miss it if we replaced it with just one book on adoption.

I didn't go so far as to make a scene in the store (Ashley wouldn't have let me), but I can't help but feel like our society is failing. There are 147 million orphans in the world right now who simply need a loving home. Not a wonder drug to cure some rare disease, just a place to go. If there were an epidemic of 147 million children with broken arms, we'd have this fixed by tomorrow. Governments and citizens across the world would convene and decide that this is a fixable problem and dedicate all their efforts to making sure we solved it. Why can we not do the same for children who need loving homes?

Maybe someday we'll do better. Maybe eventually we'll get to the point that stores don't have adoption books because they sell them out quicker than they can stock them. Maybe we'll take this problem seriously enough that when you type "adopt" into google, the first 4 suggestions aren't about adopting a dog. But that only comes when our society begins to address this issue head on. Our hearts should break for the plight of these orphans. It's my prayer that someday we begin to take this problem seriously and get these children into the loving homes they deserve. And maybe we'll even get them to print a "Complete Idiot's Guide to Adoption" along the way.

ONE MORE THING: Don't forget that we'll be having a soup supper this Saturday, the 23rd, at Westview Christian Church. We'll start eating at 5:30 and enjoy music from members of the Calvary Christian Church praise team, followed by our speaker, Brian Walton, who will begin around 6:30. We're really looking forward to this and can't wait to see all of you there!

For the Love of Pinterest

I'm not a fan of pinterest. Ashley is on there all the time, but it's pretty much my contention that pinterest has ruined my life. Thanks to pinterest, there's always something new that we have to try. From projects around the house (like our floor made of pennies that will take months to finish) or something new for dinner, pinterest is at the center of every new idea in our house.

Having said that, pinterest does have some redeeming qualities. For example, there are those moments when Ashley hands me her phone and says, "Read this. It's funny." when pinterest makes me hate it a little less than I did before. Last Sunday night was one of those times. Ashley handed me her phone to show me that someone had posted a list of top ten things not to say to an adoptive parent. I have to say, some of these were some pretty odd questions. Things like "Aren't you afraid of what they'll inherit from their birth parents?" or "Aren't you worried the birth parents will stalk you?" were high on the list. It was strange that people are asked things like that, but we had a good laugh from it.

Here's the thing, sometimes you get questions that mean well, but aren't phrased well. Those we can deal with because they're said with the best of intentions, but questions like these 2 are just crazy. For the record, no, I'm not worried about what they'll inherit from their birth parents. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty excited for our kid. I've got a big head and huge ears, my kid is hitting the genetic lottery by not having any of my DNA. And no, we're not afraid of having a "birth-parent stalker." (I think those exist mostly in Lifetime movies anyway.)

But as strange and prying as these statements seemed when we read them, it was even more startling when one was directed to Ashley last week. There it was, almost word for word from the list of statements on the web, "You're having a baby the easy way." Wow. I mean I honestly didn't know how to react to that. Luckily, my wife is more composed than I am and she was able to just let it go, but I still can't understand it. I mean, if by "easy" you mean filling out paperwork every night for weeks until your hands ache, submitting yourselves to have every aspect of your life, marriage, home, finances, faith, and family questioned and probed all the while dealing the the paranoia of trying to come up with a perfect answer to every question and praying you don't fill out a form incorrectly? Then yeah, that's pretty easy.

Oh, then there's also the waiting for a potential placement match and, since we're not pushing babies out of factories or anything, that can take a while. But after the find a potential match, you get all the fun and excitement of meeting with the birth mother. This is where you get to convince to someone that this child she's carrying and wants the absolute best for, belongs in your home. (Yeah, I'm sure that won't be nerve-wracking. I'm just hoping I don't throw up.) But assuming you make a match, you get to spend the next few months worrying about your unborn child and praying that he's doing ok and their birth mother is doing all she needs to do to take care of him. So there's that, but that part is pretty easy, I suppose.

But then he's born and it's all good from there. Except for that whole thing of the birth mother signing papers to relinquish this child that she's now carried and cared for for the last 9 months to these strangers. Then we just get to have social workers stop in a few more times to make sure we're doing things right and wait until the adoption is final. Of course, until it's final, there's always the (however remote) chance that the birth parents are rethinking this and want to dispute it in court, so our hearts will stop every time the phone rings between the day he comes home and the day we finalize. And for the pleasure of doing all that, we get to pay fees for applications, placement, visits, profile book, background checks, etc. up into the tens of thousands of dollars. But yeah, that's pretty easy.

Look, I'm not about to say that childbirth is easy. It's not. But the process we're about to go through isn't either. As a matter of fact, I think it will be one of the most difficult things we'll ever do, but it's what we're doing because it's what we're called to do. And after going through it, our family, all 3 of us (plus any "players to be named later"), will be stronger.

We know there will always be people who aren't necessarily on board with this whole thing, and we're ok with that. And I'm sure that's not the last comment we hear that will get on our nerves. But we've been so overwhelmed by all the people who have been supportive and helpful with what we're doing that drowning out the negative people isn't really that hard. Still, if you're going to have something negative to say and you absolutely can't hold your tongue, it's probably best to say it around Ashley. After all, I've got huge ears and they don't miss much.

Oy, with the Questions Already!!

               So what did you eat for dinner 6 weeks ago? What’s your average wait time at your favorite drive thru? Can you describe in detail all the times you’ve tried to spend a Canadian penny within the borders of United States? If you can answer questions like these, congratulations, you’re ready to fill out adoption paperwork. You think I’m exaggerating? One of those is a real question we have to answer! Ok, maybe not, but still, these questions are rough. We were pretty excited when we first got our paperwork sent to us, but I’ll admit that this is pretty exhausting. Every night after dinner, we try to knock out a few more questions. It’s become our new hobby. Some people watch tv, some people read, we answer questions about any and all aspects of our lives. As draining as answering question after question is, we’ve managed to stay positive about it so far. The way we see it, this is just another thing that needs to be knocked out of the way in order for us to get our child. Hopefully we’ll get to the end soon, but until we do, we’ll keep chipping away at it.

           This reminds me of another thing, you guys are great. I’ve said that before, I know, but it’s true. So many of you have been so encouraging to us, whether it’s through facebook, emails, or face to face conversations, it’s all meant a great deal to us. We read an article the other day about top ten things people say to adopted parents that they shouldn’t say. Luckily, we’ve rarely heard any of them (rarely, though not never). But we’ve been very fortunate in that our friends have been great. You’re always checking on how things are going and asking questions, and we’re so happy to share this experience with you. And if you have questions, don’t hesitate to ask them. We love talking about this. Seriously, it’s pretty much the number one topic of conversation at our house. But reading all of the comments that other adoptive parents have received makes us realize how great our friends and family are. Thanks again for everything.

So it begins

       Every time we use money, we see it. And although some of us rarely use cash anymore, we still see it all the time and rarely notice it. "E pluribus unum". Out of many, one. And it's not just on money. It's there on the seal of the United States, as well as the seals for all levels of the federal government including the U.S. Senate, Supreme Court, and the President of the United States. It's a motto suggested for our new nation by the likes of Adams, Jefferson, and Franklin that fascinates someone with my obsession for American history (and all things nerd-like).
      Our own "E pluribus unum" moment happened on Wednesday as we finished the first of the many forms we'll have to fill out for our adoption. Out of the many forms we'll have to get through, here was number one. It really wasn't all that bad. Just a few pages, some family information and whatnot, but I couldn't escape the thought that this was just the beginning. This was that last snowflake that triggers the paperwork avalanche that will bury us over the next few months.
      Surprisingly, staring down the barrel of this paperwork nightmare doesn't have us rattled at all. I mean, it really should just for the simple fact that one of us can't spell and one of us has the penmanship of a 3 year old, but it doesn't. Our agency emailed us the first round of pre-home study paperwork today. The email had 13 different forms attached! But it actually excited us because we're finally making substantial progress toward getting our child home. There's a lot of work that goes into completing these forms. We'll be running around, trying to gather all of our background checks, financial information, etc., so if you see us with arms full of papers, running down the street, don't worry. It's the beginning of a crazy and stressful time, but we couldn't be more excited about it.
      When the Founding Fathers first used "E pluribus unum" as a motto for our nation, they used the phrase to remind future generations that, out of these many colonies, one nation was formed. Today it reminds us also that, out of many different types of people, one nationality was born. For us, from all of the paperwork, we will find our child. But more importantly, from each of you that's read this blog, donated to our adoption fund, and helped in a million little ways, our family will be complete.
       As always, thank you so much for all that you've done and continue to do for our family.
    


Side note we almost forgot! We now have flyers for our next two fundraisers. If you would like, feel free to print them out and pass them around. Maybe at your place of employment, church, or whatever. Everyone is invited to them. And if you want, they can be printed in black and white and look just as great!

And the winner is....

       It’s funny how things sometimes don’t turn out as you plan. For example, if you were to tell me 20 years ago that this month I’d make 2 trips to Indianapolis to meet with agencies, I would have assumed that I was negotiating my new contract with the Pacers. But Saturday we made our second trip to Indy in as many weeks to meet with another agency. After doing our research, we had come up with these 2 agencies as our favorites and hoped that, after our meeting Saturday, we could come to a decision. We didn’t know what to expect and, despite how well our meeting went last week, we were keeping an open mind. In fact, we had no real front-runner and only prayed that, after our meeting, our decision would be clear. After our meeting though, it was abundantly clear.

         As nice as our visit was Saturday, we were able to say when we left, without any doubt that this place was not for us. Not that there was anything wrong with this particular organization, because it was a fine place, but from the moment we walked in we could tell that this place wasn’t for us. We sat quietly in a large room with probably 30 other couples and listened to all of the information about the agency, but the more they talked the more it became obvious that we needed to be somewhere else. Luckily, we already had a meeting with a great agency last week, so our decision became very easy. So with all that out of the way, we can now say that (pending our application paperwork) we’re excited about working with The Miriam Project.  We’re so happy with this organization and the work that they’re doing and can’t wait to get started.

         Now comes the application process, and list of documents that we have to gather just to get the application started fills an entire page. While the process will be lengthy, we’re looking forward to getting the first steps done. The sooner we get this part finished, the sooner we get our child home.

        We’re also excited about the soup supper fundraiser we’re having in a few weeks on Feb. 23. Mark your calendars and come join us. Also, don’t forget “Can Our Yard Night” at our house on May 10. Start saving up all your aluminum cans, tell your friends, neighbors, and co-workers to do the same and come trash our yard! We’ll have flyers for both of these events available shortly. We’ll also be putting in another order for t-shirts very soon, possibly by the end of this week, so if you’re interested in one, please let us know as soon as you can.

      Thanks again to all of you for being so involved and so helpful in this process. Your help and prayers mean so much to us.  

News! Finally News!

      When we wrote last week’s update, we tried to let all of you know about the work we had planned for the next seven days. After putting a busy week behind us, we’re finally able to share with you in a little more detail, what we worked on. On Monday night we traveled to Anderson, Indiana to meet with our first adoption agency. We spent about an hour and half (along with another couple) meeting with a representative of the Miriam Project (www.miriamproject.org ). Although driving 2 ½ hours after working all day to have a 90 minute meeting isn’t necessarily how we’d like to spend our evenings, it was a great visit. We left the meeting very impressed with the agency and the work that they do. We have one more information meeting scheduled for this weekend with another agency. While we’re still open to talking to any other agencies, these are the only two we’ve decided to talk to so far, so we might be making a decision very soon.
Another thing we worked on last week was planning our fundraisers. After our meeting Saturday, I can now officially tell you that our soup supper will be Saturday, February 23 at Westview Christian Church. We’ll start serving food at 5:30 and eat until everyone has had enough or until we run out of food. Brian Walton, senior pastor at Calvary Christian Church (www.calvarychristian.net) in Winchester, KY, will be our guest speaker and some members of the praise team from Calvary will be providing music during dinner. Another fundraiser that we’re planning is a “Can Our Yard Night” on Friday, May 11. The idea for this is pretty simple, save your aluminum cans, bring them to our house, throw them in our yard. It’s approved vandalism. There are a few rules we need to follow like keeping the cans in the side yard (so the neighbors don’t totally hate us) and within our property line (again, neighbors), but we’ll keep you informed of all that between now and then. The main thing to remember for now is to save all your cans. Tell your friends, your co-workers, your church groups to start saving them too. We want to see the entire yard covered. I’m debating sitting in the middle of the yard on a lawn chair to give people a target, but I’m not totally sure about that yet. We’ll have some flyers for this and the soup supper available soon so you can try to explain this without your friends thinking you’re crazy.
One more thing happened this week that I wanted to mention. We received an email Friday from Amber Spurgeon about making a donation to our adoption in honor of her friends Seth & Lauren finalizing the adoption of their 3 children. We can’t tell you how much this means to us in so many ways. Obviously, we appreciate the donation and the fact that it gets us a step closer to getting our child home. For that, we've eternally grateful. But more than that, when we see someone else adopting we feel inspired. This has been a calling for us since last summer and to see other embrace that same call lifts our spirits. Forgive me if this is preachy, but we as Christians are called by God to embrace the orphans and love them as our children just as He adopts us as His children. It's our continued prayer that this spirit of adoption continues to spread across the world to all people so that more of these children will find their forever families. And to Tabbitha, Heather, & Tyler, welcome home.

To busy for Monday

Now that we’re one week into the year, many of us are clinging to what’s left of those resolutions that seemed so achievable seven days ago. I never break any New Year’s resolutions because I never make them, so my undefeated streak stays pretty safe. Since last year though, we’ve resolved as a family to do everything we can in 2013 to make our adoption a reality. While we know that sometimes this can take longer than we hope, this year will be committed to making this happen. We’re looking forward to 12 months of meetings, fundraisers, and paperwork about as much as any two human beings can. A process which, by the time many of you read this, will have already begun.

        This week we’ll be making a trip to the Indianapolis area to meet with an adoption agency for an information session. While we haven’t decided on any agency yet, after researching pretty much every agency in the region, we were impressed with what we found about this one. While we’re preparing to meet with multiple agencies until we find the right fit, we’re hoping that we find that fit sooner than later and would appreciate all of your prayers.

       We’re also meeting this week to make preparations for our first fundraiser dinner. We’ll be working with our volunteers (aka: all the family members we could con into helping us) and trying to plan out a night that will be a good time for everyone involved. Hopefully by next week’s blog we’ll be able to share some of the details with you.

      With all that on our plate in the first two weeks of the year, we’re putting ourselves on a pretty busy pace for the remaining 50 weeks. But this is what our 2013 is about; dedicating ourselves to doing everything we can this year to get this done.  The more we get into this, the more we see how big of a job this adoption process is. It’s impossible for me to imagine how couples go through this without the amazing support system we’ve been given. Since we made this decision, everyone has been so supportive. Those of you who’ve purchase t-shirts and bracelets, made donations, prayed for us, and even read this blog have meant so much to us. We can’t thank you enough. Sorry if this is a little repetitive, but we really can’t tell you how excited we are and how much we appreciate each of you. This is going to be a fun year. We’re so glad you’ve come along for the ride.