12/14/2012

If you've read this blog regularly, you've no doubt noticed that Ashley and I refer to our son as if he's already here with us. We have a picture in our heads of what our son will look like and who he will be. That mental picture helps us get through difficult times, makes us smile, and helps us to stay focused on our goal. This week was the first time that that mental picture scared me to death.

I saw the news on my phone of another school shooting last Friday in a town I've never heard of and, as disgusted as I was, tried to ignore it. I knew it was bad, but at the time there wasn't much news coming in and I figured I'd check it later. But when I saw the ages and pictures of the children on TV, my heart stopped. The images of these children was far too reminiscent of that mental picture that I see each day. I could see this idea of "our son" in the pictures of how a child smiled, or in another one's eyes, and it floored me. I've struggled the last few days with this and with the question of why God would send us on this journey to get our child, only to have us watch helplessly as we send him out into a world where things like this happen.

As we hear more and more about this terrible act, it's evident to me that, while we continue to mourn the 20 children who were killed last week, we must turn to that child whose birth we celebrate next week. I believe that these 20 children are, at this moment, safe in the arms of a loving creator. At the memorial service Sunday night, the President quoted Matthew 19:14 where Jesus says, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." While we might never fully understand why this happened, we can rest in the knowledge that they are in the arms of the Lord today and that they are safe in their eternal home. While we celebrate next week the birth of our King, they will celebrate in His presence. And while we'll never be able to guarantee our child's safety, we can guarantee that he will always be loved and watched over by his Heavenly Father, even when his earthly parents have to let him go.

I pray that that little boy whose picture I see in my mind will know that. I pray that I will be a good enough parent to instill those values in him. But more than that I pray that, when my time comes and God sees fit to call me home, that my son will rest confident in the fact that I am with my Lord.